dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
