I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
