I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
