That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
