I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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