just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
