I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
