I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
