GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
