Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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