guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my shit smells like andre
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
