pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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