Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
