Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
