We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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