The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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