its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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