girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
