Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
