Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
