I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
