I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
