You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
