after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
