A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
