she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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