I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
