sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
