don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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