I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
