What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
