I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
