I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
