I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
