Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize