I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
