I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
