I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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