Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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