My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
