I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well I just put wine in my tea
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
