I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize