Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
