remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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