i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
worst night to have a conscience
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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