i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
