we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
