Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
