I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
try to milk me bitch
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
