Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
