have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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